Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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