He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize