I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
