I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish I only lived at night.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
