Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
