Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
