It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
