bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
