Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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