jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
