So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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