I think i peed on brittanys purse
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
