I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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