i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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