my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
