Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
