then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
