I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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