we made out on top of his cat.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
