i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
