I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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