Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
