Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
