I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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