I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
