I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
