She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
