I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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