he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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