You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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