I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
