WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
