Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
