You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
