Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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