There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
