I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
