you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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