She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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