textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
