you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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