New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
