She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
