Me too!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
