i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
