I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
