I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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