I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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