I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
