I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
