Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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