counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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